she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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