well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
