Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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