I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize