I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
