At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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