His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
