if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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