He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You made out with two different species that night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
