know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want her autograph on my taint
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
