I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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