you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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