he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
