I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so let's talk penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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