My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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