I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
