id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
