i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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