I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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