today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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