So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
