Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
