I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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