honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
