the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
