hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize