That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
