she was so not down for the gang bang
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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