I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
