i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
