i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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