is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
