shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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