her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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