Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
