Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize