I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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