blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
