Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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