We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
