Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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