I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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