I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
