my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
