he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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