Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
