So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
