I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
