I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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