This is not my ceiling
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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