I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
