theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
