Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
