im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
