I smell stomach acid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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