Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
