Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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