To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
